I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
