i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
