why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
