I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
