hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
