I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
