Got a toothbrush?
I have demons in me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
