Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
