She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
