I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
