Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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