I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
