If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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