Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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