Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
