just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
