Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
