He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
