benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
