I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
