Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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