Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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