im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
