You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
