hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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