Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
