I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
