i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My bed smells like the plague
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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