..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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