Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
