i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
