apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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