Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
