Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
