She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
