If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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