You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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