When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
