Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
