I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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