Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
