Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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