you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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