you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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