Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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