Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
