It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i will never coherently bang her
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
