my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
