One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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