I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
