I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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