There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
