the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
