And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
