I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
