I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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